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My 20-Week Ultrasound: Discovering Endurance and Presence

I used to be in a downward canine yoga pose wiggling backwards and forwards, attempting to shift the place of my daughter Macklyn in utero. She was being cussed, refusing to cooperate, making it seemingly inconceivable to see her on the monitor in entrance of us.

It was my 20-week anatomy scan. A physician and nurse had simply pushed on my stomach tirelessly as they tried to get my child in simply the appropriate place to guage her visually. But, she was not having it.

Nope, not in the present day, I imagined my daughter whispering as she cozily burrowed herself farther from our view.

This was par for the course. It appeared as if each ultrasound we had, my daughter was adamant about remaining unseen. This could make sense in a while.

“If we can’t get her to maneuver, you will have to come back again,” the physician proclaimed as he left me within the room to stroll round and attempt to get her to vary positions. Enter the downward-facing canine.

I felt impatient, though I had meditated earlier than my appointment. I didn’t need to come again and need to battle these labile feelings another time.

Greater than something, I wished to see my daughter. I wished to attach together with her.

At 20 weeks, nearly all girls anxiously await this ultrasound. It’s the monumental scan of being pregnant. Throughout this check, child’s intercourse is revealed, measurements are taken, and a full-body scan is carried out from head-to-toe to make sure your child is creating as anticipated.

From the backbone to the kidneys to facial options, docs assess and diagnose potential well being considerations and develop a plan of care ought to any issues come up. But to this point for us – one hour in and one downward canine later- we had solely confirmed that my daughter had all ten fingers and toes.

I shifted my physique again additional into my downward canine.

Rachel at her 20-week ultrasound

Rachel at her 20-week ultrasound

Come on, Mack, transfer, I commanded in my head. She kicked my full bladder, clearly refusing to have any half in making this simple.

I may really feel my nervousness kicking in, apprehensive we might not get to see what we would have liked to see. Or what if we did, and one thing was mistaken? We nonetheless wanted to have a look at her kidneys and her mind and her face. My ideas raced because the restlessness started to construct.

As we waited for the physician to come back again into the room, I. meditated on the phrase persistence. I closed my eyes as I inhaled my breath slowly. With every exhale, I attempted to launch the nervousness that got here with the concern of the unknown.

I mirrored on the moments that had led me to my third trimester. I had impatiently waited three years to get pregnant. Restlessly tapping my foot throughout every appointment – beginning to fear in regards to the subsequent check as an alternative of embracing the gorgeous moments as they unfolded in entrance of me.

I closed my eyes as I felt my physique loosen up on the desk.

Take your time, child, we will wait, I assumed as I inhaled persistence.

I felt her shift her physique. I didn’t understand it but, however my daughter was already instructing me to calm my unsettled ideas.

“Okay, Rachel. Let’s have a look at if we will get what we’d like, ”the physician confidently exclaimed as he glided the wand over my stomach. My husband gently positioned his hand on my leg to sign me to cease tapping my foot.

“Bought it,” he mentioned as if he had simply received the lottery. My daughter moved her head good, permitting him to guage her anatomy. I sighed in aid as he confirmed that every little thing appeared wholesome though I used to be unable to decipher what I used to be taking a look at on the monitor in entrance of us.

He handed us our ultrasound photos, and I laughed. There was nothing that even resembled a child in these sonogram images so far as I used to be involved. She had tucked herself good, making it inconceivable to visualise something within the image.

We had an image of what gave the impression to be toes and one other of one thing resembling an arm. Or what {that a} leg?

My ideas battled each other as I walked by means of the foyer. I had a wholesome child woman, and I used to be ceaselessly grateful. Nonetheless, I’ve to confess that I used to be disenchanted. I wished to see my rising woman. Did she have my nostril or her daddy’s? My daughter felt distant- unfamiliar nearly.

That night, I positioned my hand on my abdomen whereas I used to be strolling by means of a conscious meditation about connecting with my child. The nervousness light away with every breath as I used to be met with persistence and presence.

As I moved by means of my observe, I began to really feel the bodily boundaries between myself and my rising daughter soften away.

I imagined her hand urgent gently in opposition to my stomach, assembly my hand on the opposite aspect. Despite the fact that I couldn’t see her, she all of the sudden grew to become so acquainted.

The primary time I might see my daughter’s face could be exactly 20 weeks and three days later as she was laid on my chest following supply. As our hearts joined in synchrony, I spotted I already knew her absolutely and fully.

Rachel Edmondson


Rachel Edmondson is a mom, creator, and Registered Nurse residing in Austin, Texas. Since changing into a brand new mother, Rachel is on a mission to encourage all moms to embrace the distinctiveness of their very own postpartum journey.

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